Okay, These Three Lesbians Walk Into A Bar...

A PICTURELESS Adventure Of The Witch, The Belle and The Grave. (Because I didn't have time for pics tonight.)

Sara Poe = Witch Sara
Lora Riley = Lora Belle
Emily Ellison = Emily Graves

Saturday brunch. Usually eggs with pork and fried potatos. Toast and jam, too. Coffee, the ANYTIME drink, of course. Not all lesbians are vegans, eh. Phone rings. The Witch and the Belle continue eating knowing that the Grave will jump from her seat and try to catch it before the second ring. (It's a thing. :\ )

"Someone named Deanna," says the Grave and points the phone towards the Belle.

"Ohso cool," says the Belle, "We haven't heard from her since before Yule."

After a few minutes of chit-chat...

"Hey, you guys wanna go to St. Louis tonight? To a GAY BAR!"

The Witch's eyes widen. "I don't like bars. And you remember what happened the last time we went to a bar." (BANNED! From walking the streets alone in downtown Toronto. Or maybe it was Ontario? Whichever one is across the river from Detroit, MI.)

"C'mon, Sara" says the Grave with her usual giddiness at trying new things. (Mmmmmmmmmm, giddy young lesbians.)

"C'mon, baby, Deanna's uncle is a manager. We won't get carded." Coaxs the Belle with a smile. (Mmmmmmm, smiling young lesbians. :p )

"pweeze?" Begs the Grave. "I'll owe you...FAVORS!" (Hear it echoe? Favors favors favors...)

"Well," says the Witch with a half smile, then she almost whispers the words, "I DO like favors."

Long pause....

"Fluck it. Let's do it."

"YAY!" The Grave jumps from her chair and starts dancing and singing all over the kitchen. "Weeeeee'rrrreeee going to a GAY bar! YAY! YAY! YAY!" And she looks so very sexy jumping up and down wearing only a T and no undies.

The three have to start getting ready soon. St. Louis is only an hour and a half away but prep time could last forever.

Later, as they're getting ready...

"Is it gonna be safe? I've only been to St. Louis once when I was little," says the Grave. "We'll be good," says the Witch. "Deanna's totally cool."

"How are we getting home after the bar?" Asks the Grave. "We're staying at Deanna's apartment," replies the Belle.

"Are we gonna have a foursome," asks the Grave. (Right outta the FUCKIN' blue!) The Witch and the Belle stop in their tracks and both turn to look at her together.

"Deanna's NOT gay," says the Belle, matter of factly.

"And you're a big hoe," follows the Witch with a laugh. (Just for the sake of arguement, Emily isn't actually a big hoe. She's just new to this thing we call Lesbian Life and asks a whole lotta Q's, which can get slightly annoying, but on the upside she is willing to do...anything!)

After a long drive and a quick meet-up at Deanna's apartment, our heroines walk two blocks and arrive at *says in BOOMING voice* THE GAY BAR DEANNA'S UNCLE MANAGES! (Yup, forgot the name of the place already.)

Let me stop here and emphasize how different the three are. When arriving at the bar...

The Belle is calm and collective, talking to Deanna as they walk thru the door.

The Grave is so excited she's almost bouncing and keeps giggling to herself.

The Witch starts having second thoughts and wants to go home, but says nothing, just holds the Grave's hand ever so tightly.

After a quick chat with the Uncle, they sit and are approached by the bar wench. "Wuddaya have?"

"Four rum and cokes," replies the Belle. "Bacardi light," she adds.

"Wait!" The Grave speaks up. "I think I want to try..." She looks at the Belle and The Witch and smiles. "...a slow screw."

"HOE!" The Witch thinks to herself. The waitress, a catty wench for sure, replies without missing a beat, "You want that up against the wall, sweety?"

The Grave looks surprised, "I...don't know." To which the Wench lets out a small laugh then walks away saying, "Three r&c's and a slow screw commin' atcha, girls. Right back inna sec." (Just in case you didn't know, a slow screw is slo gin, vodka and oj.)

As time passes, the three begin to settle in rather well. The Belle is talking to Deanna and some new friends whilst they play pool. The Grave, too, has met new friends and stands at the bar laughing with them. The Witch...well, the Witch has the most IMPORTANT thing of all to do.

She sits quietly and guards their table as the others roam about the bar.

Just sitting.

Alone. :(

Like the TOTAL little wallflower that she is when it comes to such public outings.

Her girls are very open and outgoing when it comes to these sitch's but the Witch is different. Other than the fact that she truly believes MOST PEOPLE should be locked up in her cellar suffering the pangs of torture and imprisonment, there just didn't seem to be anyone of interest at the bar.

Well...there was ONE person that might be interesting. Sitting at a corner table, alone and reading a book (Hmmm, I've never heard of reading at a bar.), was an older looking blonde. She looked to be in her thirties, tall, very slim, almost like a retired model. Very pretty. The Witch was sure she had caught the Blonde stealing glances in her direction.

Just then the Grave appears, "Sara!" she half yells, flops down on the Witch's lap, hugs her tightly, "Danth with me, Lora won't."

"How many of those slow screws have you had?" The Witch asks.

"Uuuuum, five! Plus the one we had this morning before brunch," the Grave slyly says, then presses her forehead against the Witch's and adds, "And I could SHORE use anudder one rights `bout now. Wanna play Texas cheerleader?" (She meant to say "Carolina" cheerleader and if you don't get the reference... http://www.courttv.com/people/cheerleaders/photogallery/index.html?curPhoto=1 )

Now, normally the Witch would JUMP at such a chance, but a quick glance around the bar said three things to her.

1) There were WAY too many people standing in line at the bathroom.

2) Lora had already taken notice of the two and kept looking at them. The Witch knew she suspected and would poo-poo the whole idea, and...

3) The blonde across the bar was now watching them and didn't turn away when the Witch made eye contact with her.

"I'm wallflowering tonight, go have fun. Dance with your new friends," said the Witch.

"Nooooo," the Grave drunkenly hugs her tight, "They're too...butch. I wanna be with you." (As you may have guessed, our three heroines are VERY much into girly girls. Not large on the butch.)

After being assured by the Witch that she was going to be NO FUN tonight, the Grave reluctently gets up and joins the Belle by the pool table. The Witch looks over where the blonde was sitting, but she's gone. "Bummer," the Witch thinks to herself.


Within a few minutes she hears from behind her, "Hullo. Would you mind if I joined you?"

It was the blonde, and she spoke with the SEXIEST British accent the Witch has EVA heard. She sits, they talk. Her name is Elizabeth, but "Beth" for short. She's lived in the U.S. for three years and works at a law firm in St Louis. The two seem to be connecting pretty well, but then reality jumps up and smacks them both in the face.

"Hey," The Belle says as she sits down.

"Who's this, Sara," the Grave asks as she sits beside her with a AND-WHY-THE-FUCK-IS-SHE-HERE look on her face.

"This is Beth," she answers, "Beth, this is Lora and this is Emily.


"Both of you?" The blonde asks then looks at the Witch.

"It's a THING," the Witch says.

"I'm sorry," the blonde starts to get up, "I never intended to..."

The Witch interrupts and stands with her, "You didn't, my girlfriends are just over protective. You're welcome to stay."

At this, the Grave gets up, lets out a "HMMPH!" then walks away. The Belle stands and says, "She's drunk. I'm sorry. We didn't mean to come over and get all COMMANDO on you." She then kisses the Witch and says to her, "But we're about ready to go, okay?"

"Ready when you are," The Witch says.

While the Belle heads back to the pool table to gather the girls, the Witch apologizes again to the blonde. "It's fine, really," says the blonde, then writes her phone number down on a napkin and hands it to the Witch. "Perhaps you'll call me sometime," she says with a smile.

The Witch can't help it. She smiles back and stuffs the napkin in her back pocket.

The night ended with the girls back at Deanna's apartment eventually passing out together on the sofabed. They spent most of the next day sleeping and didn't make it back home to Quincy till late Sunday night.

The Witch hasn't called the blonde.




Kent said...

Sitting off by yourself in a bar while everyone else socializes. Never done that before. (SARCASM, AHOY!)

I just pretty much hate bars. If it weren't for Mae's, I'd never go out to them.

DungeonMasterJim said...

I may have to turn this story into an adult comic Sara. With a slightly altered ending! LOL!

Can I trademark you?

Sara's Stuff! said...

Sorry, Jim, I think Kent trademarked "Sara Poe" a few years back. :\

Where have you been? Not online too much lately.

Angelle said...

The slow screw joke. Ha. Reminds me of that screw-driver joke my friend Andre made in my freshie year. Teehee..

Anyways, sounds too hectic for my tastes. The only thing I like about going out (while very few) is the time spent getting all getting a primped and pretty..I hate crowded places..I like dances sometimes..depending on the music.

But yeah. Sounds wild. That blonde chick sounds kinda cool..


Agric said...

I few weeks back I stumbled on this place, "Sara's Girly Wonderland":

Of course I visited it, thinking it was another corner of the net that Sara probably lurked in and had quite possibly forgotten. It wasn't, but I did find the story moving. Could be a comic strip in it somewhere, DMJ.

Why did I find it? Weirdly enough I was trying to find a broken link to a quantum mechanics / superstring theory site.

kubiak said...

Awesome post as always, Sara! I'm not much of a bar person either, but I probably would be if I had the kind of night you did. That sounds like fun. And I totally got the Carolina cheerleader reference, what with me living in NC and being a Panthers fan.

And thanks for your kind words on my blog, they really made my day. You're one of the coolest people I've met online, and given the stuff you've been thru, it really means a lot to me when you say stuff like that. You're a special person, Sara. Thnaks agian!

Sara's Stuff! said...

Angelle; As you know by now, the blonde chic is NOT cool.

Agric; Nice site that. She's cute...I suppose.

Kubiak; Hope you stay as strong as we both know you are!