Welcome to my darkness. If you've come to condemn or are offended by the insanity at this blog then GO AWAY! Your God doesn't live here!
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5/28/05

Well...

I took an IQ test not too long ago. Got the results in the mail today.

My IQ is 143.

Which, I'm thinking HAS to be a mistake. I'm in NO WAY that smart. So tomorrow I'm calling to see what went wrong.

Crazy people aren't the high IQ type.

mp3s

5/26/05

Disillusioned

I guess I shouldn't have been snooping. I guess when I found it I should have just let it lay and walked away. But I didn't and now I feel like crap.

I was next door, looking in my step-dad's closet for his sword. (Don't ask.) When I found a journal. Opened it and saw my mom's handwriting so I started reading. She wrote it when I was 15-16 and it was mostly about me. She said some very disturbing things.

She didn't think I would ever be able to live on my own. She felt that she had to watch me closely so I didn't start hurting myself. She said that I was confused about my sexuality and wished I would "just make up my damn mind."

Other things that are very depressing.

I know that the time period she wrote them was a very bad time for me but it doesn't help. I also know that she had nothing but love for me and accepted me for what I am. She's been gone for a year and a half and I guess should try to understand what she was going thru at the time.

It's just very difficult. Very depressing. :(

I haven't told Lora. i know the things she would say. I know the answers. It's just hard knowing how she really felt.

I just don't know anymore.

5/25/05

Unto Every Generation...

Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Unto Every Generation..."
Written by Sara Poe

June, 2003 Outside London, England
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"The castle is old, and in need of a good cleaning, but it's quiet livable. The council used it as a training center before...well, before they were destroyed." Giles picks up an open book laying on the table in front of him and reads the title.

"This was the library. They abandoned it months ago, but left so quickly that all the referance material was left behind. We have more knowledge at our fingertips than we've ever had before." He smiles as he looks around at all the books lining shelf after shelf.

"And the money is still there?" The slayer stands in the doorway. Her face hidden in shadows.
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"Yes. All Watchers had access to the account in case of an emergency. There's enough to keep the school running for some time." He tries to look at her but she turns away.

"Good." She says, her voice giving her away to the man that knows her the way a father knows his daughter.

"Buffy? Is something the matter?"

A brief pause, then she steps into the light. "I'm leaving."

"Leaving?" Giles walks toward her. "But...where? Now is hardly the time..."

He stops. She won't look at him. Giles realizes that she hasn't looked at him in days. Since the destruction of Sunnydale.
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"Buffy, talk to me. You've never..."

She looks at him, and for some reason he can't explain, when their eyes meet, it startles him into silence.

"Willow will be finished with her protection spell soon. You won't have to worry about evil existing on the entire 1,500 acres of this place. The castle and the grounds surrounding it will be safe. You'll all be safe."

She won't stop looking at him now. He tries to speak but no words will come.

"You'll have Faith and Robin to help you out. Plus the coven. And when Xander is finished with his "personal business," whatever that is, he'll be here, too."

She turns away from him again and walks back toward the door.
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"Buffy..." Giles barely manages to rasp out the word. He knows.

"I can't..." She stops at the doorway but doesn't turn around.

"You betrayed me."

Now she turns to look at him again.

"Twice. You betrayed me twice."

Giles is the one looking away now. He has no defence against her words.

"You used my trust when you tried to distract me and have Spke killed. I can understand Robin's reasons, but you..." A look of discust crosses her face. "Then you sided against me. Eight years together and you...you helped throw me out of my own home."

"You were..." The words come out of Giles' mouth quickly, but stop mid sentence.
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"I don't hate you..." Buffy pauses. "...but I don't trust you anymore."

Her words grip his heart like a vise. He fights back tears and a sound that tries to escape from his throat. Buffy turns away again.

"Dawn and I will be leaving in a few days. I'll take Andrew with me to act as a liason between us."

She walks out the door. The last thing Giles hears her say is, "I need a vacation," And she's gone from his life.
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The sound he was holding in finally escapes. It's followed by tears.

==============================================

This is the opening to the Buffy story I'm writing. I need HONEST opinions on it. You can post without leaving your name if your opinion is bad as long as it's honest.

And in case anyone hasn't seen them, here are the designs for the upcoming Buffy cartoon.
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5/22/05

S.E.X.

Sara's Entertainment Xtreme! The Bret Hart/Survivor Series Screwjob!
http://www.606studios.com/bendisboard/showthread.php?t=12965

5/20/05

VERY bad night for me!

This is petty and selfish but...

I talked to my stepdad today about Wizard World Chicago. I tell him all about it and that Lora and I will need about five grand for the entire cost of the trip. "Fine." He says, just make the arrangements and use my credit card. "GREAT," says I, and "Oh, I'll be going to Wrestlemania 22 in Chicago in April and will probably need a little more than that."

"NO," he meanly and viciously replies. "I'm only going to pay for one. You don't work and sit at home all the time so if you want to go to both you'll have to come to the resturant and work till the end of the year to pay for it."

"WTF! WORK! I tried working once and it didn't agree with me."

But he remains stubborn and says he'll only pay for one. So I get mad and walk out of his house and start walking angerly down the main road to town. Drunk Jacob pulls up. Offers me a ride. I go to reach for the door and he pulls up about ten feet and stops. Then backs up and when I reach for the door HE DOES IT AGAIN!

So I say fuck you and start walking toward town again. I get nearly to the gas station at the edge of town and this semi zooms past me and splashes water all over me!

I'm standing there dripping with nasty muddy water and Jacob pulls up LAUGHING! "Shoulda took the ride," he says. So I pick up a rock and throw it at his windshield and it cracks. He gets out of the car yelling at me and calling me stupid!

I stick my middle finger at him and walk down the road to Fifth St Apartments where Lora's mom lives to get cleaned up. I walk into the hallway and these to guys I've never seen before start with the childish, "Hey baby, whats your name" and "Damn, baby, you look hot" crap. I knock on Ruthann's door, all the while these guys are ragging me like I'm a piece of fucking meat!

No one is home. So I leave the building and start walking back toward the gas station. I walk around the corner and this HUGE dog that I didn't see coming jumps up on the fence of the yard he's in and scares the crap outta me. So I'm standing there argueing with it and his owner comes out yelling at me! "It's your damn dog's fault," I tell him but he's like, "Oh, he's just a dog and doesn't know better."

I walk away from him and start heading back down the road to the community. I decide to take the shortcut thru the woods. By now it's dark and I can't see and get fucking lost! Plus I had to squeeze thru weeds and get covered with burrs.

I FINALLY make it back home and my stepdad and drunk Jacob are standing on my front porch. My stepdad starts bitching at me about cracking Jacob's windshield and tells me that I have to pay for it! OR ELSE i CAN'T GO TO WW CHICAGO!

AAAAAAAARRRRGGGHHH!!!

So I go into the house and Lora starts on me about losing my temper and walking to town so late. "GO TO HELL," I say in anger. So she LEAVES! Not telling me where she's going or anything!

So fuck the world and everybody that lives on it!

5/17/05

SEX!!!

My blog friends get the first peek at something VERY new...
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http://wwsex.blogspot.com/

Also, the NEW Wrestling With Sara post is up at the Bendis Board, http://www.606studios.com/bendisboard/showthread.php?t=12167

5/13/05

Sara J Poe...CONVICT!!!

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I, Sara Jane Poe, spent 17 1/2 hours in the Adams County Jail.Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Me, Lora, Tammy, Kyle and Lindsey got busted in Taco Bell parking lot (The hang out spot for peeps around our age.) drinking. We weren't drunk cause we had just started(and had a designated driver in Lindsey.) but the cops pulled up,Image hosted by Photobucket.com caught us with an open bottle of rum, all of us are 19, drinking age is 21, we were arrested, spent the night in section 6(A HORRID, HORRID place that was just a big room with bunks lining the center and metal toilets against the wall that had nothing blocking you when you had to GO, NO clock, NO windows, LOTS of body funk, and was very, VERY LOUD! Nobody seemed to sleep because, I suppose, you couldn't tell whether it was day or night.) We spent 15 hours in that room wearing BLACK AND WHITE STRIPPED CONVICT UNIFORMS and nothing to drink but warm tap water. At six this morning they brought us bran cereal(We gave it away to VERY grateful inmates.)and black sugerless coffee.Image hosted by Photobucket.com
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FINALLY at 10am this morning my step-dad paid $200 each to bond us out. I have a court date on the 15th of this month. Image hosted by Photobucket.com

I'm scared. I would rather go back to the nuthouse than jail. Newman Clinic is bad, whatwith the screaming at night and being treated like you're insane, but jail is a horrible, horrible place that I could NOT take for another minute.Image hosted by Photobucket.com
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So if they try to lock me up again I'm gonna stop taking my meds and go insane on them so they have to put me in Newman.

Any suggestions? Please. Image hosted by Photobucket.com
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5/3/05

BOOYAH!!!

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Sorry I haven't answered any emails or IMs but I have been in a WRITING ZONEZONEZONE! I finished and posted the Von Erich Story on the Benbo so it's there if you look.

I'm almost finished with THE coolest campfire story.

I have a few other things I've been doing that I'll tell about SOON.

Nothing to do but write this week. Image hosted by Photobucket.com Write and post.

It's 3am and I've been up forever so I need sleep.

Laterzzzz all!Image hosted by Photobucket.com
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