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10/12/05

Lesbian Sex (Or not...)

I was four years old when I first visited the community that would later become my home. My father was born here, went away to college, met my mother, they settled in Chicago where I was born. Certain events made my father decide to take his family away from the big city when I was eight and come back to the place where he grew up.
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During my first visit we all stayed with my grandparents. That would be here, the McCullough house, where I live now. The house my father and my grandfather grew up in. Our neighbor and dearest friend, Annalara Bishop, who's backyard connects to mine, had a cat that had just given birth to kittens under her back steps.

The story my mother told me (and told everyone else that would listen.) is as follows...
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Sara's little four year old brain couldn't grasp the concept "We have to get rid of the kittens." Not understanding that it meant they would be given to good homes, it upset me to crying and my mother had to take me back to grandma's house.
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Later on, when I was let outside to play, my brain started pointing right back to those kittens. AND I KNEW WHERE THEY WERE!!!
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I don't remember it happening, but I guess the plan was to kidnapp the kittens and run away with them. I was found three hours later in the yard next door sleeping under a wagon. Three very dead and very smooshy kittens stuffed in the pockets of my jeans.

There were also pieces of hotdog in my pocket so I guess I tried to feed them.

Changing the subject...
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Three days ago I took the very saddest of the Buffy episodes and put them on one disk. I watched the final episode of season one where Buffy learned she is destined to die. Ep one of season two where Buffy crushes the bones of the Master. Episodes where Angel turns bad and Buffy breaks down in Willows lap and the death of Jenny Calendar.
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The epidode where Angel returns and says Buffy's name for the first time. The prom, where Buffy gets the class protector award then dances with Angel to the song Wild Horses. I watched Oz leave Willow and a robot named April that was built to love Warren run out of power.

I watched "The Body," but could only do so once. First time since my mom died.
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I watched Buffy give her live and then get snatched from Heaven by her friends. I watched her wish she were insane. I watched as Willow DID go insane and how Xander saved the world by talking about yellow crayons.

The final ep in my sad set was "The Killer In Me." It's where Willow lets Tara be dead. Breaks my heart every time I watch it.
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I watched them over and over for the last three days, pausing only to switch it over to RAW on Monday. I litterly burned myself out on sorrow.
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This morning I woke to the sound of clicking. And the sound of a mouse clicking is like and alarm clock to me.

Ashley was sitting at my computer surfin' the www. Lora was in bed next to me watching tv. She got up and got me coffee and we all three snuggled together in bed while watching Power Rangers. It made me very happy.
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Lora then took Ashley to school and came right back home. She got back in bed and we lay there making out for about an hour. Just kissing and touching the way we haven't done in a couple weeks. We half-slept till around 11am then ran around the house half naked for the rest of the afternoon.
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Tonight after dinner we were watching Halloween Town on Disney (Ashley's choice.) Lora and I were snuggled up on one end of the couch while Ashley was sitting in the big chair and out of nowhere she said, "I think I'll get a girlfriend before I get a boyfriend so I can practice kissing."Image hosted by Photobucket.com
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Neither of us knew what to say to that but after thinking about it we both agreed that Ashley is subconsciously compairing her parent's male/female/violent relationship with my and Lora's girl/girl/tender relationship.
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Our first thought was to choose somefrom from the family to talk to her about her feelings. I however believe that we should handle this ourselves and not feel that we have to run to "straightie" every time we need hetro advice with our daughter.

And besides...that would be completely against the ideal that all men are EVIL RAT BASTARDS THAT SHOULD BE TORN TO SHREDS SLOWLY BY BABY WALLGNOMES! (HA! Just kidding!)

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The Samhain festival is coming up at the end of the month. I'll try to take pics but maybe not.

TIA MARIE!!!
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I have NOT forgotten you, my sweety. I'll write you very soon a nice long letter.

Well, It's 5am and I should sleep for a few hours. Lora will be up soon. I'll be updating regularly again now that I feel more sane.
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~Sara<3

5 Comments:

Anonymous Agric said...

Curious therapy (overdosing on sad Btvs episodes) but I won't knock it if it works. I was going to ask if you'd gone off sex lately, glad to hear you're feeling better.

6:19 AM  
Blogger DungeonMasterJim said...

Sigh - gotta love the spammers that plague blogs nowadays. I'm not reffering to Agric in case Sara removes the post above mine.

Glad to hear you're doing better. Me? I'm conquering the world before moving into my new house. I still love Civilization 3 after all this time!

And I like your black underwear :)

3:36 PM  
Blogger kubiak said...

Sara! So good to see you're posting again. I've really missed you.

If I were you I would forget about "hetero" advice. Love is love, wether it's between a man and a woman, a man and a man, or a woman and a woman. The best thing you can do is just teach her what you know about love.

Now I need to find a girl to practice kissing with! :D

(The sad Buffy thing sounds so depressing! I'm glad it worked for you though!)

5:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

happy birthday my love. let me kno when u c this.

Lora(\n/)

8:11 AM  
Blogger administrator said...

I never smooshed a kitten in my pockets, but one time I saw a mother cat eating her kittens. I was in high school and it still freaked me the fuck out.

Oh, and happy birthday! :D

-Kent

2:13 PM  

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