Welcome to my darkness. If you've come to condemn or are offended by the insanity at this blog then GO AWAY! Your God doesn't live here!
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1/23/06

Buffy Fans! Pic Of Faith's Vagina!

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Night's quiet came again in night's quiet way. The insects are snickering, hiding their mouths so I can't see them laughing at me. But I can still hear them.

I can hear them snickering all across the world.

It's a dark and sometimes noisey world that olny exist in the deepest little corners of my head. A dark and cold and lonely world where the insects can be heard snickering all across the way.
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Events. Everyone has them. Events that shaped their lives. Mostly good, I guess, but some bad. Some scarey. Some horrifying. Everybody has them. If you search your memories I'm sure you'll find them, too.

My oldest memory is of me standing on top of the great pyramid of Gaza overlooking the burnt and destroyed remains of the kingdom that dared to defy my will. Just me, just standing there, overlooking the ruins of the world.

I was seven at the time. The pyramid was actually our balcony on the second floor of the apartment building we lived in. The world was actually the gray and littered neighborhood in Chicago where I grew up. And me...I was Rita Repulsa. Having just defeated the pink and yellow Power Rangers, actually my little sister and the girl that lived across the hall whose name I can't remember, and I was now basking in my supreme power.
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Then the world suddenly got very, very close. The Yellow Ranger, whom I still torture to this day, made a last defying attempt to stop the evil Rita from totally destroying the Earth. The little bitch pushed me.

The world got very close, and if it weren't for the hedges beneath our balcony the Rangers would have surely triumphed over evil and saved the day once more.

The next thing I remember is bravely pulling myself out of the bushes and telling my crying mother that things were okay and that those Rangers could never really stop Rita Repulsa!
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What really happened was that my mom saw the push, ran down stairs and pulled me out of the bushes, then rushed me to the emergency room with me crying and bleeding all the way.

I remember the emergency room. Mostly just sitting with a lot of other people I didn't know. Some of them were loud and yelling. My pre pube mind couldn't really grasp the scope of things going on it that room. I imagine now that people were hurt, or angry, frustrated. Some probably worrying that their lives were in danger of ending.

I wasn't hurt that bad. Mostly cuts and scrapes along with a sprained wrist. More likely than not I didn't need to be their. But Destiny is a mean bitch and Fate likes to play his little games. We're all just along for the ride.
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I remember hearing the scream. The scream of a mother in pain is something I'll never forget. It came from behind me, and when I scooted around and got on my knees in the chair to see what was going on, I had my first "event."

The woman was on her knees and surrounded partially by people. I couldn't make out what was wrong with her so I started to stand up in the chair. The next few moments happened so fast.
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I remember going up, starting to stand. I remember the guy directly between me and the lady moving so I had a clear view. I remember my mom's hands grabbing me at the waist, and I remember the little girl's eyes. The lady was kneeling next to her crying and people grabbed the little girl and took her away very fast, but it the short moment that I could see her...she looked at me.

But when I looked back nobody was there.

The people picked her up and her head rolled to the other side, eyes never moving. Her stare at me was a death stare. The chemical composition of my brain changed. Tramatic experiance immediately after tramatic experiance forced a new reality on me. It took away my simpleness and replaced it with something I can't explain and will probably never fully understand.
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I don't know what happened to the little girl. Perhaps knowing would help things a bit. Probably not. I kept that memory deep inside me for such a long time. It's only been since my mom died two years ago that I've been able to talk about it.

Lora was the first one I told. I had been thinking about it too much and in January of last year I went into a depression shock and stayed in bed for three weeks doing nothing but watching Buffy DVDs and using the bathroom. Finally late one night in the darkness I told her everything and she gave me the strength to get help.

It wasn't long after the event that my family left Chicago and moved to the commuity that my dad had grown up in. A little community just north of Quincy, Illinois where I've lived every since in the family home my great-grandfather had built around the turn of the last century.

My second event came soon afterward. It was Independence Day. The 4th of July. Dreams of dead eyes staring at me were almost gone. I had met another girl living in the community and we had become friends. Her name was Katie and the two of us would stay best friends forever after that day.
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I remember standing on the bank of the Mississippi River. We had come down for the live band they were having at Clat-Adams Park on the riverfront. My dad had taken his friend Billy's speedboat onto the river and was having a grand ol' time. I was standing there watching him and waiting because he told me that after he got a "feel" for the way the boat handled he would pick me up and take me for a boat ride.

I remember my mother kept telling me not to stand so close to the edge of the dock or I might fall in. She told me this several times because I was feeling brave that day and kept walking back and forth on the edge. Practicing on an invisible tightrope for my circus debut I imagined would one day come.

My dad sped past me. He yelled my name as he did and splashed water up toward the docks. He didn't come close enough to get me wet but it cause me to give him and the boat my undivided attention.
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He shot out toward the cove at Quincippy Island then turned around to head back towards the docks. My body tightened and I as I jumped up and down quickly on my toes. I knew he was coming to get me now.

The next moment is grinded into my memory. My dad had just cleared the edge of the island and turned toward the docks. Just then another boat came around the other side of the island. It was going very fast. Today there's a blocker there but then it was just open water. The other boat slammed into my dad, hitting his boat right where he was standing.
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I remember the river just seemed to just explode. Boat and water went every where. I never saw my dad again.

After that, my mind went where few minds have gone before.
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Sorry there's no big reveal that "turned me gay," but that was mostly Lora's fault. Her dark eyes telling me that she had a crush on me was enough to ensure the bisexual feelings I was having turned toward the FEM more or less completely. (Gosta love the FEM!)

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~Sara<3

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Unemployed porn actor gets job as topless waitress
Thursday, 01 December 2005

19-year-old topless waitress Britney Harrison is working the floor at lingerie restaurant The Birdhouse but only until she gets her big break.

"I know it sounds clichéd," says Harrison "a topless waitress who wants to be an porn actress, but the hours really suit my lifestyle and drug habit. I can always take time off to do an audition, and you’d be surprised how often the customers here offer me roles. I might ever get discovered, the BangBus could be right around the corner," she laughs.

Harrison: dreams of starring in a movie with 8 sequels "Besides, I’m lucky enough to have an agent who gives me free acting classes."

Although her waitressing work is just a way to make money, Harrison says it has helped her mature as an actor. Studying how male diners react with stony-faced indifference or drunken leering and hooting has let her come to know her audience intimately, and despise them as well.
"I’ve learned to feign pleasure while grotesque men sleaze onto me, and that’s a skill I can carry throughout my career."

Harrison might be ambitious, but she’s realistic about how hard making it big can be. "L.A. is full of people wanting to get into the adult film industry. It’s always been hard, but now we’re competing against the likes of Paris Hilton as well. You can’t want to get into porn simply for the money. Although to be honest, I can’t really think of another reason."

"I’ve already done a few screen tests. I got a call-back for Anal Ambition, but the lead ended up going to the director’s girlfriend. It makes you wonder how ethical these people are."

But Harrison has already bounced back, auditioning for a non-speaking part in Teen Slut Auditions Vol. 9.

"I just need to get out there and make a name for myself. Like Taylor Vain, or Mystique."
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http://www.chaser.com.au/content/view/2905/26/

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Oh yeah, the pic if Elisa Dushka's vagina...
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1 Comments:

Blogger kubiak said...

I love your memory of "standing on top of the great pyramid of Gaza". It's so visceral and relatable. In a way that I can almost see it, too. YOu really know how to paint an image with words, that's one of the things I love about your blog. That and your openess and honesty.

My earliest memories are boring. I remember carpet, and bulky toys. A brick staircase and a fencened in backyard that seemed small then. It was the house we lived in when I was born. After that we moved to Champaign, IL. My memories there are mostly from the pictures my mom took. My sister was born there.

Sometime after that I was diagnosed with some disease that required me to wear braces that kept my legs rigid and my feet shoulder width. There was a bar between my feet to keep me fairly immobile. Eventually my hip grew back and I was okay again. The braces weren't horrible, but I've blocked them from my memory for the most part. I only know what they look like because of pictures. (A lot of my memories are of pictures.)

Beyond that the major life changing moment in my life was when my brother was nearly killed. He was in the hospital after having been assaulted with a hammer. All I could think about was him getting better and that I would kill whoever did it to him. If it weren't for my girlfriend at the time I'd be in prison right now. She saved my life.

Then she cheated on me. She's the best thing that ever happened to me and the worst.

Thanks for sharing with us, Sara! You're an amazing person.

10:31 PM  

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