She was such a little girl that one did not expect to see such a look on her small face.
Once on a dark winter's day, when the yellow fog hung so thick and heavy in the streets of London that the lamps were lighted and the shop windows blazed with gas as they do at night, an odd-looking little girl sat in a cab with her father and was driven rather slowly through the big thoroughfares.
She sat with her feet tucked under her, and leaned against her father, who held her in his arm, as she stared out of the window at the passing people with a queer old-fashioned thoughtfulness in her big eyes.
She was such a little girl that one did not expect to see such a look on her small face. It would have been an old look for a child of twelve, and Sara Crewe was only seven.
The fact was, however, that she was always dreaming and thinking odd things and could not herself remember any time when she had not been thinking things about grown-up people and the world they belonged to.
She felt as if she had lived a long, long time. ~Frances Hodgson Burnett's "A Little Princess"
That nearly describes my life and the way I'm feeling lately. If you've never read the book you really should. It's one of the best written books in print IMO. The link takes you to an online version so...
I have so much respect for the older people of the world. If you've lived past fifty then you've got TONS of respect from me just for doing that. I don't understand how you can handle it.
I'm trying my hardest to make it through these next/last ten or less years of my life without going totally iNzAnE! (Tho every time I talk about how people like me usually don't make it past thirty Lora gets all upset and teary eyed at me. I just wish she understood better. She tells me of how she wishes we had known each other as children growing up, but she doesn't know how I was then. Or about the things I would have done to her.)
I was going to make a loooong post today telling you all about the recent adventures I've had. But life is only important to people if it's their own so I won't bore you. The short version...
Trip to see Ashley. Didn't get to see her but watched six dumfuk rednecks get into a HUGE fight that destroyed a backyard family BBQ.
Near drunk lesbian three-way. Me, Lora and Tammy were all depressed and drinking. Lora and me miss our baby and Tammy is sad because she can't find a true love to capture her heart. I feel bad for her because she's a very sweet and DAMN GORGEOUS friend but she's WAY picky when it comes to finding someone.
We all ended up sleeping together on a pallet in my livingroom. No sex, clothes on, but there was some heavy making out the night before that Lora and I haven't fully discussed yet. "Friends don't fuck or they're no longer friends." She always says. While I believe that it's best to be friends, then fuck.
Who's to say which is right.
I've also started learning how to drive. Drunk Jacob's Willow tree in front of his house has been the first casuality. Although I did more damage to Lora's car then the tree.
We're going to try to visit Ashley again this weekend. I think her parents are trying to keep her away from us. Not out of spite or anything, I just believe that they want their daughter to know she's staying with her parents and not us. I don't blame them because she is THEIR daughter, but it's difficult for us to deal with.
I hate seeing Lora sad the way she has been lately. I wish I were strong enough to put my sorrow aside and cheer her up but I'm not. Depression use to be my friend and being sad was a way of life. But now all the saddness brings is a pain so great that curling up into a little ball and crying for hours doesn't make it better anymore.
Nothing does and the only thing that will is bringing Ashley home...