Welcome to my darkness. If you've come to condemn or are offended by the insanity at this blog then GO AWAY! Your God doesn't live here!
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11/13/04

Smiles!:) Bats and bloodflys fluttering on a foggy night!

Babies crying. :)

Red candles. :)

Snow! :)

Coyote's howling. :)

Stepping on broken lightbulbs! :)

Today is a happy day. I feel good. Lora's friend Amy is here and she's so sweet. Special thankx to Toufue Lo from the Bendis Board. You're the only one that replied to my last post and after meeting Amy, I felt the same way.:)

Anyways, today is a happy day. I took my meds on time this morning and am feeling pretty durn good about life. I had an excellent nightmare last night.

Lora and me were living in this old gray house. It looked like it had been abandoned for years. I never got to see the outside of it but the inside was cold and decrepid. Paint was peeling off the walls, plaster lay in piles on the floor, and I think there was a huge hole going through all three floors and the roof cause the middle of every room looked like it had a sunroof. Like a huge beam of light was shining right on the center of the floor.

The third floor was a square hallway with doors on each wall and a huge hole in the floor so big that we had to press our backs against the wall and scoot around it to get to the stairs. One of the doors led to our bedroom.

The bedroom looked like one I saw in a movie once. Naked walls with a matrice on the floor. No curtain on the only window. Just an old piss-yellow shade. The matrice had a dirty looking sheet and two pillows on it.

I woke up wanting to be there. To be there in that room, on that matrice, getting up and walking over to raise the piss-yellow shade and looking out to whatever world I was living on. I wish I was brave enough for something like that.

Instead I sit here in this room, surrounded by comforts and eye pleasures, exploring more and more of the cyberworld with the click of the mouse. Pictures on a screen aren't enough to make up for it.

Sounds sad but those are really happy thoughts.

'Nuff said.

3 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

nice i wish i had a house like that sounds cool. like your writings, so keep it up girl. i like crazy people b/c it doesn't make me seem that crazy.

but i am!!

7:34 AM  
Blogger Mermaid Egg said...

Sara, you are a fascinating, talented & creative person but may I ask a personal question? You mention "meds" and I'm assuming these are anti-psychotics. What were you diagnosed with? Schizophrenia? Manic-Depressive Illness? Or is it something else?

OXOXOXO,
Mermaid Egg

10:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yay! I got a nod from Sara. Anywho, I'm glad it's going well and I'm glad what I said helped you.

Toufue

9:30 PM  

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