I'm finished crying for now.

Lora and I got into a big fight today. It started small and somehow it go too big to handle. We both started yelling and I said something to the effect of, "This is my house so just leave," or something like that. I really hurt her. The house has been in my family since it was built and sat empty for over a year till Lora and I moved into it TOGETHER. But in the heat of anger I made her feel like it wasn't her house also.

We've never had a fight like this before. I don't know how it got so out of control.

Lora packed a bag and left me. Now I'm alone and I feel like the world hates me. She went to her mom's and now she won't answer her cell phone. I think I fucked things up pretty bad as I usually do.

I love her with all my heart and soul and have no ideal how things got so out of control and now I don't know how to fix it.

I feel so lost.


Mermaid Egg said...

Just give her -- and yourself -- a while to cool down. She'll pick up the cell phone & take calls again soon, I'm sure. Lora will soon learn that living with her momma is nowhere near as fun & satisfying as living with someone who not only loves her unconditionally, allows her space & freedom (as she does you) but can give her some things her momma can't. ;) She'll miss you, at least as much as you miss her. Blow-ups happen, we explode then kiss & make up. Good luck!

love & light,

Anonymous said...

I'm just a stranger but my heart goes out to you. I said a prayer for you also. Real darkness (as in your title)isn't any fun at all and it's lonely. Real darkness does hate you and it does want to destroy you.

I'm not interested in condemning you but I do know a few things you don't and will tell you just in case it ever matters to you. You have been lied to and who knows what else and I'm not interested in causing you any more pain.

My God is everywhere, no limits, but your god doesn't want you to know that. It's just your god's lie and a trick. From your descriptions, your god appears to be the one we call the devil or satan. His purpose is to destroy everyone and everything he can, including you (and Lora). It looks like he's doing a pretty good job. All the pain and misery you have described is your right to live with if you want it. Is it really what you want? Always?

Just in case it ever matters to you, no matter what anybody tells you (because your god and his followers are known for their lies) you can always call out to Jesus and get help (saved is the word often used). He has much more power than your god but will not make you do anything. I don't know how to explain it but you will feel a difference inside and will be happier in some ways (if happy doesn't appeal to you...) If it matters, unconditional love does not exist except with Jesus. It's a Christian concept.

God bless you as you try to find your way in life.

Matthew said...

Dude, what is up with that last post? Anyway, I mess up with my girlfriend all the time, and there's really only three things you can rely on in this world: beer, hotwings, and porn. Hotwings can be subsituted with pizza if you wish, but never vice versa. Never vice versa.

Will said...

Im sure you'll work things out with her. I hope you wont worry about it too much. Ide probobly pet your head and tell you something reassuring if it would make you feel better.

Sara's Stuff! said...

Thankx ME, Matthew and Will. I'm hoping she'll talk to me and come home tonight.

As for the other post, I know what you said wasn't meant to be hurtful but lesson one) they would have meant a little more if you hadn't posted as anonymus. If what you're saying is so important, why are you hiding who you are?

Also, I don't have a god. They were sold out of those at Spencers and it wasn' important enough to look elsewhere for one.

~Sara Poe

Sara's Stuff! said...

What I said above wasn't meant to be as insulting as it sounds. I'm just in a mood so I apologize if you were offended.

Anonymous said...

Hi Sara,

Please check your PMs at the Image boards


kubiak said...


I've already made a nuisance of myself back at the Bendis Board, but I meant everything I said! Things will get better.

Let me know if you just want to vent or talk or anything.

Anonymous said...


hey dear...wow that is something.
well if you want my opinion or advice (it's okay if yah don't wanna take it just trying tah help because i care sweetie) but that maybe you should go over her house and just talk it out with her.
yeah, a face to face confrontation is better than over the phone anyday dear.
Althought you might break down and cry......she should see that because it'll show to her that you did'nt mean to and that what you did realy hurt you.
That she has no fault in anything that happend and it was all a bad outburst.

And if it means you breaking out and just balling completely in tears well then you must....just so she can see that you love her then it must be done.

i know you realy care for her and she likewise.....so i'm just saying...that whe the phone calls just wont do.... just go there and meet it head on...face to face....heart to heart