I fought with Lora today. She was trying to get me out of bed, and to go into town with her. Shopping at the mall or somesuch thing. I told her that I only wanted to stay in bed and watch tv. She countered that with a slightly raised voice and a smidge of anger thrown in, "You can't stay in bed forever, Sara."

I, stupidly, gave her the you-don't-know-what-it's-like-to-be-me speach, and she got upset and left the room. She came back in a few minutes later to get her keys and her face was red. I'd made her cry.

She's put up with me for three years. If anyone knows what it's like, it's her. I never should have said those things to her. It was selfish and stupid and she deserves so much better.

Dead grandma hasn't been around since I started taking the new meds. Probably that's for the best. I didn't like her when she was alive but I think I'll miss her now that she's gone. I guess it's that way a lot in life. Monsterhead stopped talking to me, too.

Its been very quiet inside my head. No voices means more sane Sara I guess. It's lonelier but better for me and everyone else. Now my biggest problem is that I'm sleeping all day again and staying up all night. Lora is a morning person so our time together usually has me sitting here online while she sleeps on the bed behind me.

I have to stop typing now. Lora just got home and I'm going to fix her dinner and sit with her for awhile. Hopefully she's not mad anymore.
More later...


Anonymous said...

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 You're so lucky to have each other. xxx Jessica

Anonymous said...

Your joke about loving babies reminds me of a hilarious gay comedian that tested positive for AIDS that used the following in his routine: "Did you hear about the baby that cured itself of AIDS? No, I'm serious, there was a baby that had AIDS and then suddenly it no longer had it. It was a medical miracle! Well, I'm going to find that baby, and I'm going to fuckin' eat it!" lol.

Anonymous said...

Hope things went well, though I suspect they did.

It's so nice seeing you online more regularly now. I'm happy you're back.