Crazier every day
I think I need help staying in focus. Yesterday Lora brought home the doll her mom had bought her when she was eight. She told me how it was the only thing she had that her mother had ever gave her. We were in the kitchen, me sitting at the table and her getting something to drink, and she was telling me all about this doll and how much she loved it. Then she turned and looked at me and yelled, "SARA! What are you doing?"
It was then I noticed that I had just pulled every string of the doll's hair out. :( I had only meant to pull a few loose strings out but while Lora was talking I started daydreaming or something and went crazy on her poor little doll.
If you've read my earlier posts you'll know that I've already chopped one of Lora's doll's heads off. (That was not, however, an accident.) So this REALLY pissed her off. She just stood there looking at me with a shocked expression on her face.
Now, I could have apologized and explained to her what had happened, then promise to take it to the Doll Hospital(Yep, we have a Doll Hospital in Little Q.)to get it repaired for her. But my mouth usually rushes into action before my brain has had the chance to examine what I'm about to say. I lay the doll on the kitchen table and said, "This surprises you?"
She replied, "I guess it fuckin' shouldn't." Then walked away. She came back in the kitchen a few minutes later and, ignoring me, started to make a sandwich. Just as I was about to apologize and talk to her about what happened she opened the knife drawer and let out a big sigh.
She stomped (and I mean STOMPED!) past me asking, "Did you bury them in the same spot or am I gonna have to search the whole fucking backyard?" (In my meger defence, I DID bury the damn things over a WEEK ago.) Lora hardly EVER cusses. Only when she's really pissed about something. So I knew I was going to have to really explain myself and beg her forgiveness.
Okay, I need to describe this next part very carefully.
I'm sitting at the kitchen table thinking of what I'm going to say to make Lora NOT be mad at me. There is an open box of angel hair pasta strings sitting there cause we're having it for dinner. The pasta is SUPER thin, I noticed, and so is the holes in the doll's head where her hair use to be.
A few minutes pass. I hear Lora bitching from time to time in the yard. Finally she finds the kitchen knives and I hear her coming up the steps and onto the back porch. Just as she's opening the door to come back into the house I looked in my hand and there's this doll with about twenty 12 inch long sticks of angel hair pasta sticking out of her head.
When Lora saw it the look on her face was like the face of an eight year old girl that just walked into the room and saw her favorie doll with pasta strings sticking out of her head. And I had absolutely no ideal what to say to her.
So I started crying.
Don't get me wrong here. My tears were unplanned and very real. The look on Lora's face made me feel trapped and lost and helpless in a HUGE dark way. I was just lucky when Lora sat with me, held me, and told me it was okay. That she understood. (I'm kinda insulted now that I realise her "understanding" was that I'm crazy.)
So we're good again. I'm going to get her doll rehaired next week and Lora put a lock on the kitchen knife drawer. (YAY!)
By the way, whenever you shake the doll now, her head rattles because of the broken pasta strings in it. :)
The Erotic Advenyures of Buffy and Evil Vamp Willow chapter one!