Damn Drunken Lesbians Are Passed Out All Over My House.

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"All along the watchtower,
Princes kept the view,
While all the women came and went,
Barefoot servants too.
Outside in the cold distance,
A wildcat did growl.
Two riders were approaching, and
The wind began to howl." ~Jimi Hendrix

T'was a dark and stormy night...

Witch Sara, Lora Belle and Emily Graves were getting all whored up in the darkest, most gothic way they could, with the Witch directing their appearance, for she has experiance in such ways and tiddings of darkness.

The Belle kept demanding, "Not too dark, Sara, make it look more Elvira-ish." Whilst the Grave just sat content that the Witch would make her look faboulas!
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The Grave is still "new" to the Lesbian Experiance. So the Witch has taken to teasing her with a SCREAMING TICKLE whenever the Grave says anything even remotely related to the UN-NATURAL ways of the evil lesbians.

"You have such pretty eyes," she told the Witch while she was applying the Grave's make-up. "LESBIAN!" Screamed the Witch, and attacked her soft white belly without mercy, not stopping till the Grave had fallen out of the chair, nearly knocking over the vanity.

The Witch and the Belle are starting to LOVE the Grave VERYveryVERY much.
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8pm and we leave for the party. The GAY party. The GAY, COSTUME party. It's Jimmy Mann's birthday (28) and we've bought him a new make-up case and several very sexy mangowns. (If you read about my last party experiance you know that Jimmy is the fag that got into the HUGE fistfight with his BF and the cops came and...(YES, I can call him a fag if I want to. I do it to his face.)

Anyways, though stormy, it's pretty warm tonight and hasn't rained enough to keep the party indoors. We make a left turn on 24th street so we can pull up behind Tammy's house and park in the alley. (The party is at Tammy's house.) Turn the corner, and walking down the middle of the street towards us is Jimmy Mann.

A 6' tall crying fag in a blue dress walking down the middle of the road in Quincy, Illinois stopped my car once and screamed at me to take him to the Mississippi River so he could drown himself! (I've always wanted to say that. :p)
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So the Belle asks the Mann, "What's wrong," but he gets tiffy with her and she gets tiffy back. (You do NOT get tiffy with the BELLE!) The Mann turns to walk away and the Belle gets out of the car but the Mann takes off running around the car and tries to get past the Belle and into the drivers seat.

The Belle won't have it and grabs the Mann's arm to stop him. But sucking dick makes a Mann strong and he manages to actually get his GAY butt in the seat. The Belle yells, "Sara, take the keys out of the ignition," but the Witch wants to drive down to the Mississippi River and watch the Mann drown himself so she just sits there, with a twisted, insane grin beneath her pretty eyes.
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So the Belle does the MOST un-lesbian thing she can do. She jumps in the Mann's lap and refuses to move. The Witch looks in the backseat at the Grave, who is just sitting there wide-eyed.

The Grave looks at the Witch, their eyes meet, the Grave says, "Oh my God." The Witch smiles...then screams "LESBIAN!" and jumps over the seat to attack her.
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After a few minutes of arguing in the frontseat, tickling in the backseat, yelling in the front, squeeling in the back, DEMANDING in the front, a soft little kiss in the back, we all straighten up and pull around back of Tammy's, with the Mann swearing that he's NOT getting out of the car nor rejoining the party. (He's such a woMann.)

"But we got you pressies," the Graves tells him. The Mann turns around to look at her. "Who are you?" He asks. "This is our new Emily!" The Witch says, "She's living with us." The Mann breaks down crying, "Everybody has someone to love and my man doesn't love me."

"Oooooh," the Belle hugs him, "Yes he does love you. You know he loves you."

"sob, sob."

The Witch reaches over and pats him on the head.

Eventually he wants to go back into the party and since it's his birthday everyone shows the FUCKING ATTENTION WHORE the proper love, but when we started showing off our new Emily all the attention turned to her. EVERYBODY wanted one!

By midnight Jimmy and his BF were getting pretty drunk and loud. Tammy had opened up her den upstairs for the coke heads so several of us decided to take the party here to my house. (My step-dad HATES when I do this but he's fucking 22 year old red haired HOE-BAG Angela so fuck what he wants.)
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1am; The Belle is hanging out in the living room with all the other potheads whilst the Witch and The Grave are watching a card game (Spades) played at the dining room table. Neither of them are playing so the Witch decides that it would be a good ideal to take the Grave out into the night and begin teaching her the PROPER way to spread MANIA throughout the community.

The Grave sweetly asks, "We're not going to get into trouble are we?"
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The Witch walks over to the knife drawer, takes out a knife (Her favorite. The one with the black handle AND blade.) slides it into her belt and straight facely says, "No."

"Sara! I'm like, SO new here, and I don't want to get people mad at me."

"Don't worry...you're with me." The Witch assures her.

"So whats the knife for?" The Grave has a worried look on her face.


"Protection...from coyotes."

"Oh, right! You're gonna fight off coyotes with a butcher knife?"

Longer pause...

"No. I'm going out to slash the tires of my step-dad's new car so he can't go see 22 year old, red haired, man-loving BITCH Angela," the Witch again straight facely replys.
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The Grave looks SO very cute when her eyes widen in fear. "Nooooo, don't make me do that! PLEASE!" Her absolute cuteness made the Witch take pity on her. Plus, starting out with such a destructive act might turn her off to the ideal of spreading mania. Best to start her out with something a bit less stressful.

So after some reassuring and a little girl-on-girl cuddling, the Grave agreed to go out and help disconnect the battery cable. "What does one use to disconnect a battery cable?" she asked, showing her slight DUMB streak to go with the slight dark one.

Pause, again...

"I don't know," the Witch dumbly replies.

"Do you have pliers?"

"Maybe. What do pliers look like?"

Quickly realizing this conversation was going no where, the Witch and the Grave decided to just use a butter knife and force that sucker off. (Yeah, I know that going out in the middle of the night to operate on my step-dad's new little red baby with a butter knife isn't exactly stressless but...)
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So we go out the back door, through Annalara's garden, into my step-dad's back yard and straight to the drive way and there she sits. I reach for the door handle and pull...
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THE LITTLE RED BASTARD HAS AN ALARM!!! The Witch grabs the Grave's hand and yells, "RUN!" We barely get past my step-dad's front porch when I hear my own front door open. People start coming out.

The Witch pulls the Grave the other way and they quickly squeeze between two hedges and hide against step-dad's house. (The Witch use to hide here often growing up.)

People start to head towards the car. Step-dad's front door opens and people start coming out of there. The Witch peaks through the bushes just to make sure that 22 year old, red haired, scum sucking trash Angela doesn't come out. The Belle walks past the bushes and the Witch hears her say, "Was it Sara?" (That BITCH! Suspects me of EVERYTHING!)
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The Witch and the Grave are scrunched close behind the bushes when the Grave whispers, "I'm scared."

The Witch replys, "I'll protect you."

The Grave smiles and says, "I think I falling HARD for you."

Their eyes meet, the Witch smiles an evil smile, the Grave's eyes widen and she barely has time to whisper, "Sara, don't..."

"LESBIAN!!!" The tickle attack begins! The Witch and the Grave tumble through the hedges and onto the wet night grass at everyone's feet.
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The Witch just couldn't help herself. Funny is funny and THAT was funny!

That was about two hours ago. Lora is passed out on the couch downstairs. Emily is in my bed behind me making little bitty girl snoring noises. Kyle and Lindsey are asleep in the downstairs bedroom. Deanna is stretched out on the comforter. And I'm about to go and scooch up next to Lora. (I'm crazy about Emily but Lora is still my baby.)

My step-dad is mad at me and probably tomorrow I'll hear it from Elder Malcom, Annalara, Lora and Jacob. (Though Jacob will only tease me and not lecture.) The Grave has been declared innocent of any crime due to whom her guide was and the fact that everyone remembers that I did the exact same type of thing to Lora when we first got together.

I'm sleeping all day tomorrow.
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p.s. YAY! Clovers getting a GIRLFRIEND!


DungeonMasterJim said...

Um, Sara. I'm fairly certain that All Along the Watchtower was written by Bob Dylan.


I made golf balls all night. Not quite as exciting as your night.

Yep, I said golf balls. Real exciting shit.

But I wasn't defeated by a car.



Jon_dye said...

Jim ssshhh. she'll sic her lesbian legion on you. None can defeat their mighty numbers.

I'm glad you had fun at the party sweetie. but be careful when it comes to cars and knives. That shit can be really dangerous.

I got 2 hot bitches in my bed right now too. Here look. http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v260/changingshades/hotbitches.jpg

Anyway, I missed you and am glad you're back.


Jon_dye said...


because it looks like the url got cut offin my last post

Agric said...

Correct, DMJ. Best beware, the riders are soon approaching. And I can hear the wind beginning to howl.

That's some kind of sick hobby, making golfballs, lol.

Meanwhile Sara diverts herself in meaningless frivolity, ah, youth. Hope she wakes up in time.

Sara's Stuff! said...

Jim, you sound like you're SO old.

Agric, meaningless frivolity is betterer than animal husbandry, right?

Jon!!! Once, I went to my friend Christy'd mom's house with her to pick up some lamps for her new apartment, and as soon as we walked in the door THEY RUSHED US!

The nasty little maggot shaped four-legged things came at us with their little tongues covered in puppy spit wanting to lick our mouths and stinking up the Earth with their vulgar puppy breath!

I SCREAMED and jumped up on the couch so the nasty little things with their soft round bellies that look like their good for nothing but stabbing (and whenever you pick one up while it's execited IT PEES ON YOU!!!) couldn't touch me!

I fear big dogs and puppies are THE creepiest creatures on the world.

I stull LUV you tho! :p


Moonspider said...

i love those dolls...their eyes are so hipnotic and show alot of realism within them....like as if they are alive

god i love 'em to death...yay

and sara, yer blogs are always an intrueging thought provoking read day in and day out....be it bad things or wonderful things, your selection of words and feeling are always a breat of fresh air..intellectual, daring and even at time erotic, arousing and in your face attitude that makes you who you are

just thought i'd show some love to a dear friend

later gater

DungeonMasterJim said...


Thanks, Sara. :(

Actually, I would've responded earlier but I had to nap.

But that's because I work 12 hour shifts making golf balls. And I get stupid money for making them. I can't believe that I can make extra mortgage payments by making golf balls.

No pic's of Miss Graves?


PS - Thanks for the warning Jon!

Angelle said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Angelle said...

Hey Sara-lady! I'm so jealous of your Emily. She sounds so fun! Thank you for the compliments, I'm a hack at writing but I appreciate you spending the time to read any of my junk. Clover's g/f is coming soon I promise, btws! ttyl!

Sara's Stuff! said...

MoonSpider!!!! That was possibly the sweetest comp I ever got! LICK!

Jim, I absolutely do NOT think you're old. But you think you are.

No picks yet. Soon.

Angelle, That is an adorable pic of you. Very dark and mysterious. Read your blog, too. Not a hack at'all.